"At the nudie bar...
Where you can look at her butt,
And her trap stays shut."

-- Al Bundy, "Married With Children"

A few years ago, I went to a couple strip clubs with my now-ex-boyfriend. We hit a few different area clubs that night. I went with my ex, one of his co-workers/friends, and that guy's bisexual girlfriend. Of all of us, I think she had the best time.

It was nothing like what you see on TV, with salivating men hooting and hollaring at the girls. No Al Bundy types dancing on stage with a dollar on a string. Most of the guys seemed more interested in playing pool (with other guys), watching sports on tv, or just sitting at the bar staring at their drinks. The women... were not exactly what I was picturing, either. Most of them were just average looking, with average bodies. (Of course, I live in a small town about 1.5 hours from NYC. I imagine the really good-looking girls move to the big city where they can make good money.) Up close in particular, they sure didn't give me any inferiority complexes. I'm talkin' about sagging (but not terribly large) boobs, stretch marks, cellulite... the whole nine yards.

After dancing on stage, they'd come around to the tables and do a little "private" dance. No lapdancing. No touching. And they'd talk to us. Most of them were single moms who could make more money working two nights a week than they could working full time, and this lets them have more time to spend with their kids. A few were working their way through college. One or two were married and just really liked what they did for a living. They were the only ones who were actually good dancers, too. None of them flirted with the guys, but some flirted with me and the other girl. A few complained about how much their backs hurt. Oooh, sexy.

The funniest part of the evening is when they dancers asked me if I were there to audition. When I declined, one offered to lend me her shoes: six inch platform stilletos. Uhhh... No thanks. Really. It's not the lack of proper footwear that's holding me back.

But, all in all, it was a good experience for me. I got to see that it's nothing spectacular and nothing to be afraid of. The women aren't interested in stealing anyone's husband or boyfriend. In fact, they're probably more interested in other women. If there's any women out there who are worried about their husbands or boyfriends going to nudie bars with their friends, stop. As long as you know and trust your husband (and I imagine you wouldn't have married him if you didn't), you have nothing to be afraid of.

3-15-02